i'm pretty tired of being lonely. to be honest, it's been making me pretty sad at night. it's my birthday in 3 days, and i don't think i'll be happy by then. another birthday wasted, another birthday alone. 23 is not gonna be awesome, it's gonna be just as stupid as all the rest of the years. seriously, fuck november. just...if i had someone. this would all be so much more fucking bearable.
let's get the basics out of the way. i completed my first week of work at accenture, and i gotta say i'm really, really impressed. some details: only required to show up to work 2 days a week once i'm settled in (i can work the remaining days at home), my co-workers seem really cool, and overall it seems like an awesome situation. great benefits and all that ish. i hope i'm here for a long time. hopefully i won't get fired for looking at porn while at work. i'm certainly comfortable enough to do that, is the thing.
the commute sucks. about 2 hours each way, 4 hours lost in the day. so that gives me less than 4 hours a day of personal time after work, which i'm slowly learning to accept. once i move to chicago, which :::::::::::::HOPEFULLY::::::::::::: will happen in december, i'll gain back about 3 of those hours, so that'll be neat. but overall yeah, work is nice and i think i'll dig it like a shovel.
my car broke down on the way home from the trainstation the other day, and it's still in the shop. it'll be there till wednesday, so this will probably be one of the most boring weekends evar in the history of time. it'll give me a lot of time to think i guess, as if i didn't already think too much.
on the topic of thinking, i've been thinking about how cold and dark it's getting outside. days are shorter and all of this produces sadness inside of eric. this is usually the time i start doing a lot of album digging, finding out about new artists (that people aren't up on to keep my indie cred...ha), and just taking in more of the emotional element in music than i normally would if it were, say, spring or summer. i usually love music around this time because it can make me feel (not good or bad, just feel) and it'll remind me of things. nostalgia kills me in the winter, and semi-contemplative thoughts stick in my mind as i think about all the things i have, don't have, need, etc. i forget about all that ish once it's sunny out tho. it's funny how the sun is enough of a distraction. yeah i dunno.
i represent in the winter. as sad as winter makes me, i feel like i'm 100% eric in the winter. from the clothes i wear, to the music i listen to, to the way i am able to communicate with people. and my communication skills suck. for really real. so productivity is key in the harshness, and i think that's what's gonna get me through a lot of it. i'll have my job, i'm gonna start my beat production ish, and actually allan, christian and i plan to do volunteer work once they get back from gambling. lol. doing what kind of volunteer work is still unknown, but i'd prefer working with kids, like reading to them or something fun like that. but all of this will be underway soon. i like to call it "depressed anticipation." also, allan, donte, tom and i are gonna go to a mensa meeting (yeah for those not in the know we all got into mensa, but none of us are official members, so we're gonna go to a meeting that we got a free ticket to to see how it is. it's prolly gonna be lame but whatever, it's free). i don't wanna hate on allan, donte, or tom, but i don't really see any of us as exceptionally intelligent, which is why we were skeptical about joining in the first place. but we'll see. if anything we'll totally get to make fun of some nerds. i'm gonna ask a few people to give me the cubed root of pi to 75 digits off the top of their heads, and scoff when they don't have an answer for me. i'm pretty much gonna take mensa down from the inside. just you watch.
but even before that meeting is depeche mode. that'll be gnarly. i listened to the new album a few times though, and it's....aight. just leave it at that. and on 12/11, hopefully i'll be hitting up doom at abbey pub. i like that place, makes me smile :)
one last thing: are you ever just embarassed by how crippling your fear of social interaction is sometimes? i don't fucking know.
-eof-
the commute sucks. about 2 hours each way, 4 hours lost in the day. so that gives me less than 4 hours a day of personal time after work, which i'm slowly learning to accept. once i move to chicago, which :::::::::::::HOPEFULLY::::::::::::: will happen in december, i'll gain back about 3 of those hours, so that'll be neat. but overall yeah, work is nice and i think i'll dig it like a shovel.
my car broke down on the way home from the trainstation the other day, and it's still in the shop. it'll be there till wednesday, so this will probably be one of the most boring weekends evar in the history of time. it'll give me a lot of time to think i guess, as if i didn't already think too much.
on the topic of thinking, i've been thinking about how cold and dark it's getting outside. days are shorter and all of this produces sadness inside of eric. this is usually the time i start doing a lot of album digging, finding out about new artists (that people aren't up on to keep my indie cred...ha), and just taking in more of the emotional element in music than i normally would if it were, say, spring or summer. i usually love music around this time because it can make me feel (not good or bad, just feel) and it'll remind me of things. nostalgia kills me in the winter, and semi-contemplative thoughts stick in my mind as i think about all the things i have, don't have, need, etc. i forget about all that ish once it's sunny out tho. it's funny how the sun is enough of a distraction. yeah i dunno.
i represent in the winter. as sad as winter makes me, i feel like i'm 100% eric in the winter. from the clothes i wear, to the music i listen to, to the way i am able to communicate with people. and my communication skills suck. for really real. so productivity is key in the harshness, and i think that's what's gonna get me through a lot of it. i'll have my job, i'm gonna start my beat production ish, and actually allan, christian and i plan to do volunteer work once they get back from gambling. lol. doing what kind of volunteer work is still unknown, but i'd prefer working with kids, like reading to them or something fun like that. but all of this will be underway soon. i like to call it "depressed anticipation." also, allan, donte, tom and i are gonna go to a mensa meeting (yeah for those not in the know we all got into mensa, but none of us are official members, so we're gonna go to a meeting that we got a free ticket to to see how it is. it's prolly gonna be lame but whatever, it's free). i don't wanna hate on allan, donte, or tom, but i don't really see any of us as exceptionally intelligent, which is why we were skeptical about joining in the first place. but we'll see. if anything we'll totally get to make fun of some nerds. i'm gonna ask a few people to give me the cubed root of pi to 75 digits off the top of their heads, and scoff when they don't have an answer for me. i'm pretty much gonna take mensa down from the inside. just you watch.
but even before that meeting is depeche mode. that'll be gnarly. i listened to the new album a few times though, and it's....aight. just leave it at that. and on 12/11, hopefully i'll be hitting up doom at abbey pub. i like that place, makes me smile :)
one last thing: are you ever just embarassed by how crippling your fear of social interaction is sometimes? i don't fucking know.
-eof-
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