i can't let it go. it's in the past now, but the fact that it happened still disgusts me. i am very stubborn, but i am going to try my hardest not to let this affect my future. all i can do is try.
it's too nice out to think, i should just be happy for a second.
it's too nice out to think, i should just be happy for a second.
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5/26/06 11:27 AM 
i finally said exactly how i feel and the reason i felt that way, and eventually everything was understood. it took being pushed over the edge to finally do it, but in the end it worked out. i truly believe it was the best decision for all parties involved.
about 2 more weeks until japan. god damn FUCK YES FINALLY.
oh, and don't offer me salt or sodium. i'm in danger of having high blood pressure. btw the recommended daily amount of sodium is < 2400 mg, which is damn near impossible because everything has sodium (even the healthiest 12" subs at subway have almost 2000 mg of sodium...) but i've been keeping my sodium intake at around 2400 so i'm good. for now. i'm taking a fasting test on saturday, where i fast overnight and then go to the doctor so they can run all sorts of blood and urine tests on me. hopefully healthy food and exercise will keep me from having to take a pill to regulate my blood pressure.
self improvement is a bitch.
everyone have a great long weekend!
about 2 more weeks until japan. god damn FUCK YES FINALLY.
oh, and don't offer me salt or sodium. i'm in danger of having high blood pressure. btw the recommended daily amount of sodium is < 2400 mg, which is damn near impossible because everything has sodium (even the healthiest 12" subs at subway have almost 2000 mg of sodium...) but i've been keeping my sodium intake at around 2400 so i'm good. for now. i'm taking a fasting test on saturday, where i fast overnight and then go to the doctor so they can run all sorts of blood and urine tests on me. hopefully healthy food and exercise will keep me from having to take a pill to regulate my blood pressure.
self improvement is a bitch.
everyone have a great long weekend!
people who have the genre of music they listen to in their usernames are so precious. i just want to pat them on the head and tell them that today they're becoming grown ups, then scoot them out the door.
that was just a joke. but on a serious note:
more and more i'm beginning to act my age. and i'm intolerant of those who deny theirs, and also those who deny responsibility and reality. i have no respect for people who don't earn theirs. i'd love to zoom to 10 years from now and show everyone where denial gets you.
that was just a joke. but on a serious note:
more and more i'm beginning to act my age. and i'm intolerant of those who deny theirs, and also those who deny responsibility and reality. i have no respect for people who don't earn theirs. i'd love to zoom to 10 years from now and show everyone where denial gets you.
thoughts:
- nothing at all seems genuine to me anymore. everything seems to have an ulterior motive, and i'm super suspicious of anything and everything.
- i'm wondering why i crushed on all the girls i've crushed on before (and why i can't seem to forget them).
- speaking of crushes, edan is my new idol and i think i have a man-crush on him. back the fuck up, pref. you've been replaced.
- i'm stupid for having gone though the unnecessary process of downloading music to my home PC, and then uploading them to sendthisfile.com so that when i'm back at the apartment tomorrow, i can download the music again (i don't think things through ever).
- i feel retarded for cracking the fuck up at the new cartoon on sickanimation.com.
- i think i'm keeping too much bottled up inside, and i also think that i'm keeping people too out-the-know for my own good (and theirs).
- i really want a haircut but i don't know how i want it did.
- debating whether or not i'm a bad human being for not going to my old neighbor's wake tomorrow.
- i miss myspace. i miss all the fake i've been missing out on (how sad is that).
- sometimes it pains me when my friends interact with people i disapprove of.
- for as many different personalities i see within you, i find twice as many in me.
- i really wanna go to the doctor and dentist before i leave for japan. i'll look into that soon.
- need.to.start.running...and eating in regular intervals.
- really want some monitors so i can finally make beats. jesus.
- i feel like i have something to prove lately. i can't hone in on what's causing it either.
that's it. oh and in a bit of news, thom yorke "non-solo" solo album coming out!!1
today i witnessed 3 geniuses interacting with one another, and the wonder it brought about in me was unparalleled. i wish i could have been there as the 4th genius to have the chance to interact with my idols, not at a fan level, but at their intellectual level. i speak of course of conan o'brien, dave chappelle and common sense.
i'd notice conan whispering something into dave's ear during the break, and i'd wonder what they were saying to one another. prolly some real ass shit, i thought. what i'd do to be a part of that conversation. and conan closed the show explaining that he really looked up to dave chappelle and he had a letter written for him and everything. if conan respects dave that much, imagine how seeing all these figures in one sitting was for me; the amount of respect was through the roof!
it was a real good experience i probably won't forget for a long time, and props to donte for hooking me up on it. and thanks to ruby for telling me about the fucking thing (i might not have found out about it, cuz i go to sleep at 10 now :( )
and i just watched old boy at donte's. seriously, crazay.
i'd notice conan whispering something into dave's ear during the break, and i'd wonder what they were saying to one another. prolly some real ass shit, i thought. what i'd do to be a part of that conversation. and conan closed the show explaining that he really looked up to dave chappelle and he had a letter written for him and everything. if conan respects dave that much, imagine how seeing all these figures in one sitting was for me; the amount of respect was through the roof!
it was a real good experience i probably won't forget for a long time, and props to donte for hooking me up on it. and thanks to ruby for telling me about the fucking thing (i might not have found out about it, cuz i go to sleep at 10 now :( )
and i just watched old boy at donte's. seriously, crazay.
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5/2/06 9:46 PM
the spectrum of my taste in music is getting narrower and narrower. five years ago, which is what i like to call my music-listening renaissance, i listened to many, many genres. now, all the bands in the genres i used to like sound identical. hardcore is retardcore, and metal is now a joke. post rock and post hardcore aren't pushing any boundaries anymore, either (even the giants in those genres are digging themselves into a hole). it's hard for me to have faith in the traditional 3 to 5 piece band these days. if you drop the name of some band, odds are i'll try to express interest only so that i don't offend you. i just can't get into anything new at this point.
but for some reason i have been expressing more and more interest in 2 piece noise bands. maybe my mind is telling me that minimalism is the way to go these days, and that i like utterly simple things, making anything more than completely necessary convoluted. although when i hear a beat producer's work, i expect it to have a certain level of complexity.
there's really no point to this. i'm just pissed off cuz i'm missing kid606 right now.
but for some reason i have been expressing more and more interest in 2 piece noise bands. maybe my mind is telling me that minimalism is the way to go these days, and that i like utterly simple things, making anything more than completely necessary convoluted. although when i hear a beat producer's work, i expect it to have a certain level of complexity.
there's really no point to this. i'm just pissed off cuz i'm missing kid606 right now.