i've been doing a lot of sampling lately. this has brought about some mixed feelings.
something about my personality only lets me remember things from my past when i was either embarrassed or ashamed. i attribute this to being crazy introverted. listening to songs from my past involuntarily makes me revisit all the things i've tried to forget. and it makes me upset. i try so hard to think of something else. anything else that's not a disturbing memory. but it rarely works and i'm stuck with having to remember all the failure in my life that i've tried to store away forever.
no one ever said that making music was easy. perhaps this mental anguish will manifest itself as something good. i really hope so. because i was content with never having to revisit shitty times in my life, ever again. you're welcome in advance.
- i'm happy that i finally have a chance to be productive with music.
- i'm sad because it's forcing me to remember times in my life that i don't necessarily care to remember.
something about my personality only lets me remember things from my past when i was either embarrassed or ashamed. i attribute this to being crazy introverted. listening to songs from my past involuntarily makes me revisit all the things i've tried to forget. and it makes me upset. i try so hard to think of something else. anything else that's not a disturbing memory. but it rarely works and i'm stuck with having to remember all the failure in my life that i've tried to store away forever.
no one ever said that making music was easy. perhaps this mental anguish will manifest itself as something good. i really hope so. because i was content with never having to revisit shitty times in my life, ever again. you're welcome in advance.
and because i never have dreams like this, i feel it's pretty important to document. right now. at 4 in the morning. since it woke me up.
i have to preface this with a qualifier and a warning, in that order. i never have dreams that follow a logical flow, ever. usually things happen sequentially, but that's the extent of how actions are linked. this dream followed a logical flow and it made sense. as for the warning, this is a dream about airplanes. i know a few of you will be traveling in the near future by way of air, and i don't want to scare you, so here's your opportunity to leave.
the dream starts off (for these intents and purposes) with my mom and me at an airport. we're late for our flight and we have to run to our gate. without showing anyone our boarding passes, we run through the gate corridor and get to our seats, which theoretically would have been first class seats since we sat down in the first section upon entering the plane...should have known it was a dream at this point. some additional things are fishy as well:
once the plane is in the air, it takes a sharp right. my mom and i are confused at this point and wondering what's going on. we're still relatively low, but now directly below us are 5 to 10 story buildings in some sort of metropolitan area.
then, shit got real. we ended up clipping the top of one of the buildings we were flying over. this caused the plane to do a front flip, 360 degrees. when i knew we were in danger i scooped up my mom and simply jumped, while still inside of the plane, because i knew in my mind that my legs would be the best shocks for the impact to happen below, even though we were still inside of the plane (it's kind of a peculiar way of rationalizing things, but it's a dream and i can defy physics in my dreams).
my mom and i walk away safely, as do the other passengers. everything's alright. PHEW. now, the most fucked up part/part that made me wake up:
the airplane was torn in half, and we could see inside of one of the halves. all i saw was a wheelchair that was dripping blood. and all i heard? Laura Branigan's Self-Control (Oh Oh Oh).
i have to preface this with a qualifier and a warning, in that order. i never have dreams that follow a logical flow, ever. usually things happen sequentially, but that's the extent of how actions are linked. this dream followed a logical flow and it made sense. as for the warning, this is a dream about airplanes. i know a few of you will be traveling in the near future by way of air, and i don't want to scare you, so here's your opportunity to leave.
the dream starts off (for these intents and purposes) with my mom and me at an airport. we're late for our flight and we have to run to our gate. without showing anyone our boarding passes, we run through the gate corridor and get to our seats, which theoretically would have been first class seats since we sat down in the first section upon entering the plane...should have known it was a dream at this point. some additional things are fishy as well:
- we have a clear view of what's directly in front of the plane, the same view as the pilot.
- my mom and i are not in the same row, when we normally would be. i am in the row in front of her.
- i don't have a seatbelt on my seat.
- my seat is faced sideways, 90 degrees to the left.
once the plane is in the air, it takes a sharp right. my mom and i are confused at this point and wondering what's going on. we're still relatively low, but now directly below us are 5 to 10 story buildings in some sort of metropolitan area.
then, shit got real. we ended up clipping the top of one of the buildings we were flying over. this caused the plane to do a front flip, 360 degrees. when i knew we were in danger i scooped up my mom and simply jumped, while still inside of the plane, because i knew in my mind that my legs would be the best shocks for the impact to happen below, even though we were still inside of the plane (it's kind of a peculiar way of rationalizing things, but it's a dream and i can defy physics in my dreams).
my mom and i walk away safely, as do the other passengers. everything's alright. PHEW. now, the most fucked up part/part that made me wake up:
the airplane was torn in half, and we could see inside of one of the halves. all i saw was a wheelchair that was dripping blood. and all i heard? Laura Branigan's Self-Control (Oh Oh Oh).